The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
The road to success is always under construction.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side.
“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
“Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.”
“I put all my genius into my life; I put only my talent into my works.”
“Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year”
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
